Happy Birthday Moonlight!

 

My dear melancholy,

    I guess this is the only place left.

    Happy Birthday! ❤

Yours truly, 

....

Take me back to the night we met!

                         

It is funny how my mind worked around her. Now that I think that I know, I can try to put it into words so that my future self would understand what I felt, not that I will ever forget anything about this but writing it down would keep it alive and freshen the unhealed self-inflicted wounds whenever I stumble upon the idea of melancholy.

  My mind subconsciously created moments with her which I have always dreamt of. She was my high, my low, my drug, my peaks of happiness. She was my melancholy, maybe she wasn't but I made her so. Her human skin always made me realize that she is not the one I have been dreaming about but I took her for my moonlight. I was irrevocably besotted with the idea of her.

 The closer I got the more I found myself drowning in her deep smoky black eyes. I thought I lost myself to her and started living her but all of it was just going to crumble her human self. Even though there were promises to keep the other soul safe, I couldn't keep myself from seeing the exact distinctions between my moonlight and her human skin, it did take me a while to see them but when I did, I had realized what I have done. Her body was missing pieces, I wish it could have been better.

 I still have dreams/nightmares and she is a part of most of them. I can't help but imagine doing extravagant things for her like painting her face on buildings and her realizing that there is only one person who could have done it. I don't know maybe I am a schizo. 

I had all and then the most of you, some and now, none of you!

I see you, I hear you. I will keep you to myself. 

Give me your past

A guy approaches a kid on a bridge in mid afternoon and asks him for his past to be removed(kid dies if he accepts it) so that guy can save his family. Guy says, “I need your past! Give me your past.”

Is guy from future?Why does he need kids past?

Take her freedom

A brother and a sister go to shopping. Roaming freely, happily. Sister is very happy as she has freedom of roaming with her brother. Brother just finished exams and is very happy. Slides rail of schools and runs to home.Sister and brother have another sister older than both of them.Brother is never self-confident and feels scared while in market with her sister, but he acts bravely so that she can enjoy. She is very bold and smart. They come across a home in somewhat isolated place, and she is ahead of him, enters a house where there are two cows and haystack, she is thirsty and drinks water from a tap nearby, brother tells her to come outside the house, but she does not listen, a man comes out(beard, red eyes, tall, muscular) and starts yelling at her for being there. She apologizes but said that she was thirsty, man is very mad, she is sorry, man starts pushing her out of his home and brother takes her out while apologizing and trying to stop him but unable due to his size. Sister gets angry and says she was just drinking water, there is no reason to act like that, it makes the man more angry and sister defends herself, man pushes her away and slaps her, sister slaps her back, brother is also trying to fight the man.
Man slapped her and punched the brother.
+Now, brother got up and kicked his guts, and he went down as he was trying to rape her. She got away and ran as said commanded by her brother. Man is down, brother has a knife(in his socks) and takes it out and stabs the man several times(eyes, chest, stomach, genitals cut). Sister ran to a bus stand and called police for help.+
+ is a dream that brother had after being knocked out, actually it didn’t happen. What happened is below-Brother got knocked out by man’s punch(was unconscious) and man took her by hair inside home saying “come I’ll show you my home”. Home is almost empty, except some antiques, paintings. She had been bruised by falling on road after being pushed over by the man. Now, he notices that she is wearing a saree, sees her features and holds her and takes her out by hair (she is screaming and crying).Takes her out and knocks her unconscious. She is blank.He removes her clothing and bends her on a beam(3-4 ft high) and starts raping her vigorously. When she was unconscious, she felt the impacts of his genitals inside her. She could see her brother unconscious on the ground and was sobbing, she lifted a stick and sand, threw sand at him and with stick she hit his genitals, they started bleeding, he grabbed her and said “I’ll take away your bravery and beauty with your soul”.He grabbed her, takes her inside and burns her, first her hands then legs and then her face, he left no skin on her. He doesn’t allow her to die, just burnt real bad.She screamed and then the brother wakes up. He sees through the door what he has done to his sister and starts running and crying for help, reaches the bus stop and calls police, they arrive after sometime.Brother goes around home and police forward. He is with a cop, police asks the man to come out of home, he steps out and negotiated her life for his freedom.Brother and cop step and cop shoots guy on legs, sister runs to her brother, who puts his clothes on her. She is shocked, ruined, crying.Man is in custody.
What does the brother feel after all this?What does society represent?Was man a criminal in hiding?Was man impotent?What is the way/process of burning?Entrance of cops?Scene of brother seeing sister through door?Where did they live?

Keep up the MASQUERADE

Nowadays, There are absurd moments when I don't realize what time it is(morning/night). I sleep at about 4 am in morning & similarly at 1600 hours in evening.Epiphany strikes when I open the door and see the bright light outside which is completely unbearable. I can barely open my eyes at that moment. It feels like a vampire, can’t even open my eyes properly which also due to lack of sleep & the reason that everything is so bright at that time, the sun makes everything sparkle.Forget about the enlightenment of oneself, at that time everything is enlightened.

My room definitely has lack of proper air, I mean oxygen. Albeit, there is a window and a door in my room but I like them closed. Kinda creates the illusion/sensation of being in my not so perfect but “fine” world.There is a window with net at the highest part of the wall, it is the only source of air for me. Even though, very few people come(or are allowed) in my room, whenever someone comes they complain about lack of proper air and I simply say, “I like suffocation”.

It is an art of living, people talk about living freely and inspiring oneself to do some never done things before and move on a successful feat towards development. I agree to that but my ways are very masochistic and probably narcissistic as well. I don’t literally have any problem in my life but I guess I want them. I want to feel pain, sorrow, anguish, hatred, rack, suffering and all the other negative vibes. Just like you probably want good/positive vibes. We are told that positive is positive as it feels good, but we are not ourselves, we are built by our forefathers, parents, society, friends and what we feel ourselves. We are told to do all good things, the very definition of good is fed into us from the beginning.Killing someone, raping, hatred, revenge, abusing, fighting all are bad things to do and the opposites are good things. I myself haven’t reached the state of being able to say that all these murdering, fighting are correct things because I being born in a very fine family too, have been fed the good and bad difference. If I say that raping & murdering someone is right then I know others will ask “what if the same happens to me?”Being an anti-social but a Family Guy I can’t say that. As I am attached to my family like most of us. Even though, I know they all are going to die. Probably, if someday I will be able to kill my loved ones, the last piece of love will vanish away and no one will ever be able to ask that question or harm my family. So, I will have to murder my family to prove my points. But there is another question, “if I kill my family then will it be an act of cowardice?”,  I would be saving myself from the horror falling on me. I would be preventing something bad happening to them by doing worst to them myself. It would inflict suffering on myself. To be able to convey my commandments, an example, a perfect example has to be set up and nothing can be ever better than this.All that will remain of love will be concussions. Hatred will rule. Living like this will lead to genocide/riots.What would be the purpose of living then?Might as well use nukes to blow the earth out?Who rules over life/death? God? Nature? Us?A man kills and rapes a woman, whose hands was her life/death in? God? Nature? No, her life/death was in the hands of that man, Does that make him God or Nature? No, it makes him a criminal(a person who broke the constitutional law and human rights). What the humans do is that we kill, capital punishment is given to that person. We say that justice has/will be served. But by giving death to the criminal, we are the criminal.If I don’t have the right to kill someone then why does someone else gets that right? Where is the justice there? Some say God gives life & if a person completes his span he dies, naturally, which is also controlled by God. But if in between the span the person gets killed by someone, it becomes evil. Humans don’t have the right to decide who lives or who dies? Laws like Euthanasia are proving that wrong. I am the master of my own ship & I get to decide whether I will live or not.But who gets to decide the life/death of others? The law certainly does, not the nature. The judiciary intervenes only if natural span of a person is broken by someone probably because he/she thought of himself as God/Evil i.e., judiciary is the eye for an eye. When there were no laws, humans were social but…? Humans are social...? I am not.

A family of five

A family of 5, a father, a mother, two girls, and a boy. The eldest girl was 24, a boy of 14 and the little girl of 5. The little girl always had her doll with her at all times which she thought was the cutest doll in the world. They all planned a trip to travel via flights throughout India. They packed their bags and reached a city where they took buses to the airport. Having never traveled in the city to the airport, all the family was very excited, the bus was full of people(foreigners, Hindu, Muslim, etc.) they all left and the driver of the bus was supposedly a Muslim(as guessed by the mother) although the bus had no signs to depict this assumption.

The driver was taking the bus to some unusual places instead of the airport, everyone inside started asking questions to the conductor and he replied that it was a new short-cut to the airport to avoid traffic, so they all believed him. The driver was going in a very isolated direction, suddenly other buses that were similarly headed towards the airport came into visibility which relieved the passengers a bit. All the buses were moving in a line and suddenly all of the drives drove their buses into ditches on the side of the road. Many of them were injured at the time of the impact. Unable to move, everyone stayed inside trying to help one another irrespective of their religions/color, then suddenly few armed men came inside, down the ditch and started shooting everyone, chaos spread. The family remained close to one another, the eldest girl held the little girl, the little girl held her doll, mother held her son and the father held everyone close in his arms. Unlike everyone they were the only ones who remained uninjured on the bus, they were in the corner seat at the back of the bus. They happened to be the only family of five on the bus. They were taken as hostages by the shooters. Why were they the only ones alive on that bus? The father thought this to himself. When they came out of the ditch held by the shooters (whose faces were covered) they saw that every other bus was on fire and there was no one in sight. No living being in sight just the glare of the sun and the burning buses. (Apparently, they missed that every other bus was set with an explosive and they couldn’t hear the explosion as it happened when they crashed) There came a new bus and it took all the shooters and a family of five with them. (Even the bus’s drivers and conductors were shot by the shooters) The bus was usual and traveled at fairly high speed for some hours then it became normal, they were fleeing the sight. They traveled from city to city and villages to villages. Everyone was scared at first but the father took all of them at peace saying that they wouldn’t hurt any of them as they didn’t kill them on the bus when it crashed. The little girl was too tired of crying now. All the family was numb now. So, they started asking questions to the shooters. (They were the only family alive as they were Hindu and were always to be kept as hostages for their own protection and demands to be fulfilled by the government) The first shooter asked them to shut their mouths. Another shooter started staring down the eldest girl with his lustful eyes, he scared her, her mother tried to hold her close. What did they want from the family? Why only this Hindu family? None of the questions were answered. They tried to scare them by saying that they will shoot them. (They didn’t know which bus the family would be on so they planted explosives on every bus and the driver and the conductor of every bus were involved with the shooters, they blew themselves and the buses on which the family wasn’t on. The conductor had the detonator. The family’s bus was not exploded but the driver and conductor were shot by the shooters, they didn’t know that they would be killed) They were traveling and the family was scared, they came across a few police cars but nothing happened, now they came across a roadblock by police, the shooters dressed themselves differently like casuals and said that this bus was also having a bomb and they would explode the bus if they did anything reckless, the shooter had the detonator. Few cops came inside and checked the bus, nothing was found, on asking the men in the bus they answered they were headed towards their town. After a while, all of them were allowed to pass by. They had hidden their guns somewhere on the bus. One of the shooters lost control and patience and tried to take the eldest girl he had eyes on, he put her on the side backward and tried to rape her, the father rebelled but was taken aback by the second shooter. One of the shooters said that now is not the time and asked him to be patient, and he will get enough time each one of them looking at the mother and the little girl. Another said that the family was to be set free, at which he was shut up by the second shooter. They weren’t supposed to speak about it, the whole Hindu family and their demands thing. So the girl was sat down on her seat, she was continuously enchanting that “he will rape me”. The little girl was unable to understand anything. Father came to the conclusion that they needed this family for something they wanted.

A few days passed away, they had to take ladies so they could defaecate, same for men. They weren’t fed anything. Two of the shooters were out when a police car came and the driver panicked and suddenly, they realized that the car was headed directly towards them. The two shooters came inside in a hurry, took out their weapons and started shooting, all the members of the family were on the floor of the bus. One shooter got shot in his head and died, another was injured, then the shooters took members of the family at the window and used them as their shields and started shooting, another shooter took the detonator and showed it to the police car after them at which police turned back. The injured shooter was dead after a while. There were only two remaining, one was the driver and one shooter. They realized that they were out of ammo and the condition of the bus with all the bullet marks on it would give up their masquerade. So, they decided to split up, the driver took the little girl and the shooter took the other four family members. The four were warned that if they did anything unwanted then the driver would kill their little angel. They only had knives as weapons left. The shooter with four hostages and his knife was walking towards the airport of another city and the driver was following him so that he could kill the girl at the right time. The son thought that he was smarter than other members of his family. (the shooter had a plan to blast the airport to which they were walking and had some friends he called which were the backup plan) When they reached the airport he found that there was way too much security and he asked someone about it and was informed that five people were arrested, they had weapons and explosives in their van. He was very disturbed after listening to this news, so he pushed the mother to move and did it with cruelty at which a police officer came and asked if everything was all right. The son whispered “help us” with a terrorized face while none of the other said anything. The cop unholstered his gun and asked the man to step away at which the man took out his knife and placed it on the father and slit his throat, then he took the mother. The cop was too far to react quickly. The father choked and died after bleeding too much. The cop saw him die and the shooter asked the cop to drop his gun. The cop took a little bit of time but after seeing another cop right behind the shooter he dropped his gun and he stepped away. The cop behind him shot the shooter in his head and he dropped on the floor. His blood was all over the three hostages. The three hostages told the cops about the little girl and the driver. Everyone started searching for her while the family was kept in a safe place inside the airport. After a while, a cop came to the family and said that they have found the girl. Everyone was terrified after the father died but relieved that the little girl was found but there was something very disturbing about the countenance of the cop. Only the mother and her daughter could recognize that disturbing look, the boy wasn’t able to notice it. They reached the back of the airport and found the girl’s body her eyes were taken out and she was lying on the floor with her doll on her chest. The females broke at this sight and started crying, a female constable took both of them inside. The boy remained at the sight and he fell on his knees realizing what he had done (he wasn’t as smart as he thought he was). He thought to himself that it was because of him that his father died as he whispered “help us”, also he was the reason that the driver killed his sister and fled. He ran to her body and took the doll. The sight was cleared.

After a few years, the son was very depressed throughout. The mother forced her daughter to get married and have a family which would help her deviate from that incident. The mother stayed at home with her son. She couldn’t help her son’s depression. A few months later when the mother was out for grocery shopping, she came back and found her son hung from the ceiling with a note saying “I am sorry” on the doll which he took from his sister’s dead body. He couldn’t bear it anymore.

The eldest daughter was shocked and petrified at this news. After a few years, she will get married and make a family and get away from all of this. She was pregnant with a girl whom she thought would be the rebirth of her young sister, finally, there was some happiness at her doors. At the time of her delivery, she faced many complications and both the mother and the girl died during the process of childbirth. The only one who remained of the five was the mother, not a mother anymore nor a wife. She was very superstitious and somehow was getting mad
day by day. She started blaming the doll for all that had happened, for losing her entire family. So, she thought of taking revenge on her. She burned her whole house down with the doll in her laps sitting in her family’s room on the floor. The whole house got burned down, none of the five remained, not even the doll.       

Night Mare

I had the worst nightmare I ever had and I am confused about it. She told me to write it down, so I am doing that. I know that it was just a nightmare but it felt very real. I don’t remember how I got into it but I do remember the worst parts. Here it begins…..

I was fighting evil demons, one was a lady and the other seemed to be a very tall girl, their faces were very awful to look at. I had to kill the other girl who defended the lady. That lady demon entered the bodies of my friends. Human life was attached to books. If I burn a book then the linked human dies. I burned the book of the friend in whose body the evil entered which lead to the death of all my friends. Then I had to kill my entire family with a knife, I put the knife in their throat, one by one I killed my family without any regrets/thoughts. The monster feeling with which I was killing them was just unbearable when I woke up. After that I killed the one defending the evil demon, then I wrote something on the evil’s hand in Sanskrit. Just before killing her I raped a lady and I think I know who that lady was, someone I know, some familiar face but I can’t exactly figure who it was. In the end, I killed the evil.

I woke up with my heart beating very high, I blamed myself for what I did as it felt very real. I couldn’t look god in the eye after what I dreamt about. It is just not easy to take in. I feel like I deserve pain.