Keep up the MASQUERADE

Nowadays, There are absurd moments when I don't realize what time it is(morning/night). I sleep at about 4 am in morning & similarly at 1600 hours in evening.Epiphany strikes when I open the door and see the bright light outside which is completely unbearable. I can barely open my eyes at that moment. It feels like a vampire, can’t even open my eyes properly which also due to lack of sleep & the reason that everything is so bright at that time, the sun makes everything sparkle.Forget about the enlightenment of oneself, at that time everything is enlightened.

My room definitely has lack of proper air, I mean oxygen. Albeit, there is a window and a door in my room but I like them closed. Kinda creates the illusion/sensation of being in my not so perfect but “fine” world.There is a window with net at the highest part of the wall, it is the only source of air for me. Even though, very few people come(or are allowed) in my room, whenever someone comes they complain about lack of proper air and I simply say, “I like suffocation”.

It is an art of living, people talk about living freely and inspiring oneself to do some never done things before and move on a successful feat towards development. I agree to that but my ways are very masochistic and probably narcissistic as well. I don’t literally have any problem in my life but I guess I want them. I want to feel pain, sorrow, anguish, hatred, rack, suffering and all the other negative vibes. Just like you probably want good/positive vibes. We are told that positive is positive as it feels good, but we are not ourselves, we are built by our forefathers, parents, society, friends and what we feel ourselves. We are told to do all good things, the very definition of good is fed into us from the beginning.Killing someone, raping, hatred, revenge, abusing, fighting all are bad things to do and the opposites are good things. I myself haven’t reached the state of being able to say that all these murdering, fighting are correct things because I being born in a very fine family too, have been fed the good and bad difference. If I say that raping & murdering someone is right then I know others will ask “what if the same happens to me?”Being an anti-social but a Family Guy I can’t say that. As I am attached to my family like most of us. Even though, I know they all are going to die. Probably, if someday I will be able to kill my loved ones, the last piece of love will vanish away and no one will ever be able to ask that question or harm my family. So, I will have to murder my family to prove my points. But there is another question, “if I kill my family then will it be an act of cowardice?”,  I would be saving myself from the horror falling on me. I would be preventing something bad happening to them by doing worst to them myself. It would inflict suffering on myself. To be able to convey my commandments, an example, a perfect example has to be set up and nothing can be ever better than this.All that will remain of love will be concussions. Hatred will rule. Living like this will lead to genocide/riots.What would be the purpose of living then?Might as well use nukes to blow the earth out?Who rules over life/death? God? Nature? Us?A man kills and rapes a woman, whose hands was her life/death in? God? Nature? No, her life/death was in the hands of that man, Does that make him God or Nature? No, it makes him a criminal(a person who broke the constitutional law and human rights). What the humans do is that we kill, capital punishment is given to that person. We say that justice has/will be served. But by giving death to the criminal, we are the criminal.If I don’t have the right to kill someone then why does someone else gets that right? Where is the justice there? Some say God gives life & if a person completes his span he dies, naturally, which is also controlled by God. But if in between the span the person gets killed by someone, it becomes evil. Humans don’t have the right to decide who lives or who dies? Laws like Euthanasia are proving that wrong. I am the master of my own ship & I get to decide whether I will live or not.But who gets to decide the life/death of others? The law certainly does, not the nature. The judiciary intervenes only if natural span of a person is broken by someone probably because he/she thought of himself as God/Evil i.e., judiciary is the eye for an eye. When there were no laws, humans were social but…? Humans are social...? I am not.